


i couldn’t express my feelings because i wasn’t brave enough

by starryboy



Series: oh my! [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-16 08:57:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15433494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryboy/pseuds/starryboy
Summary: donghyuck might not have been able to call jaemin his boyfriend, but there’s no denying that something was there.or maybe there wasn’t.





	i couldn’t express my feelings because i wasn’t brave enough

**Author's Note:**

> title: thanks by seventeen 
> 
> welcome to my 00 line fic series! i have sorta an idea for it but if you have any suggestions or comments feel free to leave them in the comment section or my cc which will be linked in the notes at the end!
> 
> i hope you enjoy

When people ask Donghyuck about Jaemin he tells them three things, he hates him, he’s single, and that he’s his best friend. 

 

What he doesn’t tell them is their little agreement. 

 

It starts like this; Donghyuck walking into Jaemin’s room and immediately being pushed against the shut door, not having a moment to think before Jaemin’s lips are pressed against his. There’s no hesitation to be found; both boys had done this so many times with each other that it’s not awkward.

 

Donghyuck’s body goes still, no matter how many times they’ve done this Jaemin’s lips still overwhelm him, and he feels the other slow at him not responding. Before he can pull away, Donghyuck reaches a hand to grab at Jaemin’s neck to pull him closer.

 

Jaemin smiles into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck’s waist, plucking him up off the ground like he’s a pretty flower. Donghyuck pulls away and laughs as Jaemin carries him over to the bed.

 

They land in a pile of limbs and giggles, Jaemin on top of Donghyuck. Tilting his head up, he presses his lips to Jaemin’s again, wrapping his arms around the other’s shoulders. Jaemin smiles again, it’s a habit of his to have to break away from the kiss because he’s smiling too wide.

 

Their bodies are flush together, Donghyuck can feel Jaemin’s muscles tense in pleasure underneath him as they kiss. Donghyuck sneaks a hand up under Jaemin’s shirt, fingers splayed across the small of his back. 

 

Donghyuck pulls back before flipping Jaemin over, maneuvering to sit on top of him. Jaemin laughs breathlessly, scooting up on the bed, one hand on Donghyuck’s hip and the other under his head. 

 

He takes a second to look at Jaemin, hair a mess, chest heaving up and down, and lips spit slicked, a vibrant red color. Leaning down, he captures Jaemin’s lips again, pulling away when he feels Jaemin start to move against him. The younger pouts and Donghyuck presses a kiss to his cheek as an apology. Continuing his trail of kisses, he makes his way down to Jaemin’s neck. 

 

Jaemin’s always had a sensitive neck, neck kisses are one of his favorites, and Donghyuck likes to use that to his advantage. 

 

He kisses down the side of Jaemin’s neck, feeling him sigh underneath his lips, playfully nipping at his skin. Jaemin’s heart is beating rapidly, he can feel it, and Donghyuck feels accomplished because he’s the one that did that, that made Jaemin feel this good. 

 

He bites harder into the skin, sucking lightly, aiming to leave a mark. Jaemin whines high in the back of his throat and says, “Donghyuck,” the word sounds choked out, and it makes a hot streak of want grow in his stomach.

 

“Yeah, baby?” he asks teasingly, not expecting a response other than another whine at the pet name. 

 

Donghyuck leaves a trail of kisses from Jaemin’s neck to his collarbones, ghosting his mouth over them, enjoying hearing Jaemin’s breath get caught in his throat. 

 

“I think I have a crush on Renjun,” he breathes out, adding on a strangled, “Don’t stop,” when Donghyuck lifts his head to stare at Jaemin.

 

Donghyuck presses a kiss to Jaemin’s jugular, “What makes you think that?”

 

Jaemin laughs, mouth turning up in a smile that Donghyuck wishes were for him, “He’s just so- We’ve been spending a lot of time around each other nowadays and God,” he looks down at Donghyuck, a lovestruck look on his face, and it breaks his heart, “I really like him.”

 

“Are you going to do anything about it?” Donghyuck doesn’t know what to do.

 

He sighs, “I’m not sure,” he pauses, grinning at Donghyuck, “but I’d like to keep kissing you.”

 

Donghyuck knows he should say no, get out of there and never look back, but he’s never been good at saying no to Jaemin. 

 

Instead, he surges up and kisses Jaemin with everything inside of him, willing his feelings to go away, or maybe stay; he doesn’t know. What he does know is that other than the feeling of dread in his stomach, there’s almost a sense of relief.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ever since Jaemin told Donghyuck about his feelings for Renjun, he hasn’t been able to think straight. He’s scared, he’s known for years about his feelings for Jaemin, and how they aren’t exactly friendly, but at the thought of Jaemin and Renjun getting together he doesn’t hate it, just wants to- no, he won’t let himself go there.

 

He’s hanging out with Jaemin today, and by hanging out with he means listening to him go on and on about how wonderful and amazing Renjun is. He agrees, but he’s never heard Jaemin talk about him like that and he’s jealous. It’s such an ugly feeling, something he’s never felt because of Jaemin, but things are changing, rather rapidly might he add.

 

“Hyuckie he’s just so,” Jaemin pauses, hands making wild gestures trying to express his feelings when his words fail him, “lovely.”

 

Donghyuck’s throat burns, lovely is such a fantastic way to describe Renjun. 

 

Renjun is beautiful, anyone with eyes would tell you that. He’s smart, funny, understanding, and every other trait you’d want in a boyfriend. They’ve been friends for years, along with Jeno, he knows how great Renjun is. 

 

So why is Donghyuck’s heart softening at the mention of him, why isn’t he angry that he has all of Jaemin’s attention. He shouldn’t be, he knows but isn’t that the normal way to feel about this sort of situation. Why does he find himself nodding along to everything Jaemin says, even adding in his favorite things about the older boy. 

 

Shaking his head, he moves his body closer to Jaemin’s, “Since you’re so whipped for our precious Renjun does this mean we have to stop our little game?”

 

Jaemin breathes out, watching Donghyuck’s mouth closely as he bites his lip, “Uh, maybe not yet?” It sounds more like a question than a statement, and Donghyuck knows he has Jaemin right where he wants him. 

 

Donghyuck leans closer to Jaemin, letting him initiate the kiss. He gasps into the kiss; it’s softer than he was expecting, Jaemin carefully holding the back of his head, like he’s afraid he’ll hurt him. Donghyuck gently bites his lip, Jaemin lets out a gasp at how good it feels, allowing Donghyuck’s tongue into his mouth.

 

Surprisingly, Jaemin doesn’t attempt to gain the upper hand, sighing as he lets Donghyuck do what he wants with him. Donghyuck feels out the shape of Jaemin’s teeth with his tongue, occasionally pulling back to bite at his bottom lip and then lick over it to sooth it. 

 

Jaemin’s hand slips from where it was cradling Donghyuck’s head to stroke over the nape of his neck, while the other clutches at Donghyuck’s hips. 

 

Donghyuck pulls Jaemin’s bottom lip into his mouth for the nth time, sucking slightly, causing Jaemin to let out a mix between a moan and a whimper. He hesitates for a moment. It’s probably the cutest sound Donghyuck has ever heard, and he wants to hear more of it. Jaemin’s hands move again, one holding his hips while the other grips his thigh. 

 

Jaemin starts to rub at his thigh, and he whines at the sensation, desperately pulling at Jaemin’s hair. He shifts, pulling Donghyuck onto his lap, arms circling his waist drawing him even closer against his body. They’re dangerously close to each other, the kiss has turned sloppy, but Donghyuck would be lying if he said he didn’t love it.

 

Donghyuck moves to mouth at Jaemin’s neck when one of their phones dings. They pull back, faces flushed a pretty red and mouths swollen. Jaemin smiles at him and Donghyuck falters, it’s so pretty, and it’s just for him, and a selfish part of his brain wants more.

 

Jaemin carefully sets him down on the floor and moves to see who’s phone it was.

 

“Ah, it’s Renjun! He wants to know if I’m free,” Jaemin smiles down at his phone.

 

Donghyuck wipes at his mouth, “What are you waiting for, go get him lover boy.”

 

Jaemin sends him one more smile before bolting out of the room, and Donghyuck collapses onto the floor.

  
  
  
  


It’s the middle of the night, and Donghyuck can’t sleep.

 

He’s been here before, thinking about Jaemin and how their relationship is _totally_ platonic, but it’s different this time, in a way that terrifies him.

 

Jaemin and Donghyuck have always had an odd relationship. They’re friends, having known each other since they were little, but there’s always been this underlying attraction between the two boys that they’ve never discussed.

 

Donghyuck feels like he notices it more than the other, the heavy glances they send each other, how the way they act together is just the shy of being something more, and Donghyuck would be lying to himself if he didn’t want that. 

 

But there’s the matter of Renjun and Jeno that makes him confused and scared of his feelings because as much as he wants that with Jaemin, he feels like it wouldn’t be right, just the two of them. 

 

Jaemin and him are too similar though, their personalities clash and the worst of times, and that would cause the relationship to crumble. Add in Renjun, beautiful, fiery Renjun, and things would improve. He knows when to stop both of them from going too far, has a way of calming them both down in a way they could never do for each other.

 

Even then, something would be missing. Donghyuck thinks that if Jeno were there, everything would fall into place. Jeno is the calm they need, he’s quiet but can be persuaded easily if they want, easier to convince to do things than Renjun, which helps because he keeps Jaemin and Donghyuck in line when he’s there.

 

As friends they work like a well-oiled machine. Jaemin and Donghyuck are in charge of food whenever they hang out, Jeno offering support on bad days, cheerful even when Donghyuck can’t find it in him to be, he’s also known for his cuddles between the four of them; while Renjun keeps them all going, handling arguments when they need a middle ground, he somehow always knows what everyone is feeling, and uses that to keep them all happy.

 

Donghyuck wonders if things would change if something more happens. He stays awake at night thinking about what it’d feel like to kiss them goodnight, or good morning, or just for the fuck of it. Being able to take them on dates, introduce them as his boyfriends. 

 

It’d never happen, and recent events convince him even more of that.

  
  
  
  
  
  


When Jaemin runs into his room without a warning Donghyuck doesn’t even flinch, he’s been doing it for years, but when he looks up to see Jaemin staring at him with a shit-eating grin on his face, he becomes wary of the situation.

 

“What did you do,” he asks, setting his phone down and narrowing his eyes at the younger boy. He’s expecting Jaemin to tell him about some dumb prank he pulled on Mark, which is usually the kind of thing that makes him this happy.

 

If this were a typical day, Jaemin would scoff at him, maybe push him off the bed, but instead, he laughs, that pretty smile still on his face. It’s unsettling. 

 

Jaemin pushes closer, capturing Donghyuck’s lips in a gentle kiss. There’s barely any pressure, but he’s still hyper-aware of the fact that Jaemin’s lips are on his own. It’s slow and tender, Jaemin’s hand cupping his cheek, the kiss almost feels like a goodbye, and that scares him.

 

Donghyuck moves to press against him harder, fear of what’s going to happen next making him not want the kiss to end, but Jaemin’s hand trails down to rest on his chest, effectively pushing him off.

 

“I’m going to ask Renjun out this weekend,” Jaemin looks so happy, and Donghyuck feels his heart drop into his stomach. 

 

Donghyuck hesitates, not knowing what to say. He reaches his hands up to cradle Jaemin’s head in his hands, pressing a bruising kiss onto his lips. His skin burns where it’s touching Jaemin’s cheeks, and for a split second he doesn’t react. Donghyuck’s screaming inside his head, not wanting this to end, and his eyes are screwed shut.

 

Jaemin’s hand still on his chest clutches his shirt, pulling him closer before finally moving his lips against Donghyuck’s. He sighs against Donghyuck’s lips, resigned to letting the kiss happen.

 

Donghyuck kisses Jaemin like it’s the last time he ever will because it is. He knew this wouldn’t last, this little game they’ve been playing. Donghyuck knew that Jaemin would never choose him, and yet he still let himself entertain the thought of it, being this close to him. He might not have been able to call him his boyfriend, but there’s no denying that something was there.

 

Or maybe there wasn’t. 

 

Jaemin presses impossibly closer to him, biting Donghyuck’s lip, or at least he thinks he did, his lips are numb and he can’t breathe, only able to register Jaemin working his tongue into Donghyuck’s mouth. 

 

It’s almost as if Jaemin realizes this is the last time, the last time he’ll be able to hear Donghyuck’s breathy giggles as he kisses down his neck, kiss him silly to the point where the only thing that’ll come out of Donghyuck’s mouth is tiny moans and Jaemin’s name. 

 

They pull apart, and Donghyuck feels like his world is crashing down around him.

 

“What was that,” Jaemin says, voice barely above a whisper, eyes searching Donghyuck’s own.

 

Donghyuck wills himself not to look away, not give Jaemin any reason to question his words, “One last kiss.”

 

Jaemin smiles at him again, pressing a kiss to his cheek before sliding off the bed and walking out of the door. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> if this sucks don't @ me


End file.
